3 am and i'm awake

Lets blame it on Christmas excitement and not the time change.

I have a few things i'd like to talk about, one of which being things of note I discovered in Bangkok, the other just rambling...I think i'll actually give the one for Bangkok its own post, which means that i'm also going to dedicate a post to my rambles.  Mwhahahaha.

Do you ever look back at moments in your life and just think "wow, I did that."  It can almost feel like watching a movie of someone else, and sometimes that's horrible, depending on your actions and the circumstances, but sometimes its also incredible, to think that that was you, in that moment, in that time, doing those things.  In this case, for me, its incredible.

I had several moments while in Asia where i'd experience one of those 'out of body' moments, and just kind of see myself and where I was and what I was doing, and just start smiling.  I'm sure I freaked a good number of people out, but aside from that, (or maybe because of that), those were always good moments.

It could be something simple, like just walking down a soi checking out food carts. Or perhaps it'd be something different, like me dangling from a gigantic tree root in Cambodia.  I don't want to say that I've never imagined myself doing these things, because I've always had goals and the intention to end up in those two countries, but to finally be that person wandering through markets, surrounded by people who don't speak the same language, shopping for food and Christmas presents...It felt reaffirming.

Doing this, this traveling, this volunteering, is what I was meant to do.  The idea that I can add joy to someones life by doing something I love as well is completely amazing to me, and I can certainly say that volunteering my time and money has made me all the richer.

I hope to take these experiences and create some great art out of them as well, something that will help fund future trips for me.  No matter the travel I do, I hope to always interlace it with volunteering in the local communities and getting to meet these people.  I can't even tell you how many times I've thought that doing this program was easily one of the better choices I've ever made in my life.  If not for this, I never would have met any of the amazing people I have.

The volunteer group, Sue, and some of the staff.

Poi, Lom, Mama Poi and all the other women at the day care who guided me through 40 plus energetic children who were all sweet little snot monsters (and I mean that in the most endearing way) and accepted me as part of the team despite our language barrier.   Pimsuda, Benz, Jack, Joo, Jiew, Noo, and Sue, from the CCS Bangkok staff, who all contributed to my understanding of the Thai people, culture, and life style in one form or another, and who would go above and beyond to assist in any way they could.  Sothik from Cambodia, who helped me not to just experience the total 'tourist blow through' but who showed me a side to the people and gave me memories that I never even hoped for.  Sara, Victoria, Jill and Alli, the four volunteers that I spent the most time with there at the home base, who experienced a lot of 'firsts' with me, and helped make this experience such a positive one.  But mostly the children.

The children that I never ever, in all my life, expected to honestly LIKE the way I do.  I know that sounds harsh, but you have to understand that I have never once been a kid person in my entire life.  Children are sweet, I don't detest them, but I never understood when people would ooooh and ahhhh and sigh heavily while stating, often with some far off look in their eyes, that they just couldn't wait to have children. I would always be in the background looking at them with one eyebrow raised thinking that anyone who said that should be moved to the front of the line for an immediate CAT scan and mental health evaluation. Now, however, while not wanting a child for myself any time in the near future, I can finally understand the mentality, even if 'just a little.'

These kids were incredible.  I loved every moment I was there, even if I didn't necessarily 'understand' every moment.  One thing you will discover while traveling is that you don't have to speak the same language, make the same sounds, to communicate with another person.  Especially in the case of children.  Never once did the fact that my Thai was crippled and jolted, with odd tones and funny sentence structure deter these children from having full blown conversations with me.

Me with Om.  

My lack of vocabulary did nothing to block the bonds that were formed with Om, who would run up, hug me tightly around the legs and then sit in my lap, grabbing my arm and pulling it around him so that I was holding him tightly across the tummy.  Or Luke-Gait, who just decided one day that this new person belonged to her and would claim a spot on my lap, despite if I was sitting or not.  Or Namn Neuh, who was unsure how to play with me at first but opened up as the days went, and was eventually following me around making noises, and then squealing in surprise and glee when I'd turn and chase after him.  Fot, who was never not bringing me something new and wonderful to impress me with, be it a green bucket or his ability to fill an empty bag with sand.  Focat, the kid who kept a wide clearance of me at first, who ended up swinging with me, smiling the most adorable smiles, and easily becoming a 'favorite.'


(horrible photo of me but its hard to look good when you're having your face smushed.  I don't care though.  It was endearing.)

Focat.

Yes, I admit it.  Despite the fact that you're not supposed to have favorites, they totally formed and there was just no stopping it.  Om and Focat were my top two, Namn Neuh and Fot following closely with Potey and Doam.  There were a few children whose name I never caught ( learning 40 plus names was NOT easy, especially when someone of them just sounded like 'sounds' to me when I first heard them) but they were on the top of my list as well.

To say I formed a better bond with the boys than the girls would not be incorrect, but the girls were adorable as well.  There was one girl in particular, always running around in a Disney nightgown, who was especially good with her English and would enjoy playing games with me on the play ground.  I'd draw a letter in the dirt, and she'd shout it out in English, then stomp it out by hopping like a bunny before scooting back to wait for the next one.  I ended up switching and i'd call out a letter, and she'd draw it out for me.  This actually drew several kids over, who enjoyed the competition, as well as those who just enjoyed stomping out drawings in the dirt. This was actually the opener for Namn Neuh, who had joined in the game, and started drawing out some of the Thai alphabet and then telling me the names for the letters.

I miss them.  I missed them before I even left.  I keep thinking that it'd be so great to go back, see how the kids have grown and changed, to see what type of person they're turning into as they get older.  It'd be funny to go, " Hey hey hey, I remember you when your entire face was covered in snot and you were out in the back eating dirt--"

I don't know.  As you can see, this trip has changed me.  The bonds I've formed with people that I never imagined meeting have shaped my life and molded me like clay, and theres no way I can simply go back to the person I was before, whoever she might have been.

Isn't that exciting?