3 am and i'm awake

Lets blame it on Christmas excitement and not the time change.

I have a few things i'd like to talk about, one of which being things of note I discovered in Bangkok, the other just rambling...I think i'll actually give the one for Bangkok its own post, which means that i'm also going to dedicate a post to my rambles.  Mwhahahaha.

Do you ever look back at moments in your life and just think "wow, I did that."  It can almost feel like watching a movie of someone else, and sometimes that's horrible, depending on your actions and the circumstances, but sometimes its also incredible, to think that that was you, in that moment, in that time, doing those things.  In this case, for me, its incredible.

I had several moments while in Asia where i'd experience one of those 'out of body' moments, and just kind of see myself and where I was and what I was doing, and just start smiling.  I'm sure I freaked a good number of people out, but aside from that, (or maybe because of that), those were always good moments.

It could be something simple, like just walking down a soi checking out food carts. Or perhaps it'd be something different, like me dangling from a gigantic tree root in Cambodia.  I don't want to say that I've never imagined myself doing these things, because I've always had goals and the intention to end up in those two countries, but to finally be that person wandering through markets, surrounded by people who don't speak the same language, shopping for food and Christmas presents...It felt reaffirming.

Doing this, this traveling, this volunteering, is what I was meant to do.  The idea that I can add joy to someones life by doing something I love as well is completely amazing to me, and I can certainly say that volunteering my time and money has made me all the richer.

I hope to take these experiences and create some great art out of them as well, something that will help fund future trips for me.  No matter the travel I do, I hope to always interlace it with volunteering in the local communities and getting to meet these people.  I can't even tell you how many times I've thought that doing this program was easily one of the better choices I've ever made in my life.  If not for this, I never would have met any of the amazing people I have.

The volunteer group, Sue, and some of the staff.

Poi, Lom, Mama Poi and all the other women at the day care who guided me through 40 plus energetic children who were all sweet little snot monsters (and I mean that in the most endearing way) and accepted me as part of the team despite our language barrier.   Pimsuda, Benz, Jack, Joo, Jiew, Noo, and Sue, from the CCS Bangkok staff, who all contributed to my understanding of the Thai people, culture, and life style in one form or another, and who would go above and beyond to assist in any way they could.  Sothik from Cambodia, who helped me not to just experience the total 'tourist blow through' but who showed me a side to the people and gave me memories that I never even hoped for.  Sara, Victoria, Jill and Alli, the four volunteers that I spent the most time with there at the home base, who experienced a lot of 'firsts' with me, and helped make this experience such a positive one.  But mostly the children.

The children that I never ever, in all my life, expected to honestly LIKE the way I do.  I know that sounds harsh, but you have to understand that I have never once been a kid person in my entire life.  Children are sweet, I don't detest them, but I never understood when people would ooooh and ahhhh and sigh heavily while stating, often with some far off look in their eyes, that they just couldn't wait to have children. I would always be in the background looking at them with one eyebrow raised thinking that anyone who said that should be moved to the front of the line for an immediate CAT scan and mental health evaluation. Now, however, while not wanting a child for myself any time in the near future, I can finally understand the mentality, even if 'just a little.'

These kids were incredible.  I loved every moment I was there, even if I didn't necessarily 'understand' every moment.  One thing you will discover while traveling is that you don't have to speak the same language, make the same sounds, to communicate with another person.  Especially in the case of children.  Never once did the fact that my Thai was crippled and jolted, with odd tones and funny sentence structure deter these children from having full blown conversations with me.

Me with Om.  

My lack of vocabulary did nothing to block the bonds that were formed with Om, who would run up, hug me tightly around the legs and then sit in my lap, grabbing my arm and pulling it around him so that I was holding him tightly across the tummy.  Or Luke-Gait, who just decided one day that this new person belonged to her and would claim a spot on my lap, despite if I was sitting or not.  Or Namn Neuh, who was unsure how to play with me at first but opened up as the days went, and was eventually following me around making noises, and then squealing in surprise and glee when I'd turn and chase after him.  Fot, who was never not bringing me something new and wonderful to impress me with, be it a green bucket or his ability to fill an empty bag with sand.  Focat, the kid who kept a wide clearance of me at first, who ended up swinging with me, smiling the most adorable smiles, and easily becoming a 'favorite.'


(horrible photo of me but its hard to look good when you're having your face smushed.  I don't care though.  It was endearing.)

Focat.

Yes, I admit it.  Despite the fact that you're not supposed to have favorites, they totally formed and there was just no stopping it.  Om and Focat were my top two, Namn Neuh and Fot following closely with Potey and Doam.  There were a few children whose name I never caught ( learning 40 plus names was NOT easy, especially when someone of them just sounded like 'sounds' to me when I first heard them) but they were on the top of my list as well.

To say I formed a better bond with the boys than the girls would not be incorrect, but the girls were adorable as well.  There was one girl in particular, always running around in a Disney nightgown, who was especially good with her English and would enjoy playing games with me on the play ground.  I'd draw a letter in the dirt, and she'd shout it out in English, then stomp it out by hopping like a bunny before scooting back to wait for the next one.  I ended up switching and i'd call out a letter, and she'd draw it out for me.  This actually drew several kids over, who enjoyed the competition, as well as those who just enjoyed stomping out drawings in the dirt. This was actually the opener for Namn Neuh, who had joined in the game, and started drawing out some of the Thai alphabet and then telling me the names for the letters.

I miss them.  I missed them before I even left.  I keep thinking that it'd be so great to go back, see how the kids have grown and changed, to see what type of person they're turning into as they get older.  It'd be funny to go, " Hey hey hey, I remember you when your entire face was covered in snot and you were out in the back eating dirt--"

I don't know.  As you can see, this trip has changed me.  The bonds I've formed with people that I never imagined meeting have shaped my life and molded me like clay, and theres no way I can simply go back to the person I was before, whoever she might have been.

Isn't that exciting?

Last Day at Chumchon Suan Ruen Daycare

Today was my last day at daycare, and I was not prepared for this.

Every day when I first get to placement, the kids greet me and say hello with a super cute "Sawat de kaahhhh", palms pressed and head bow, but its usually children shouting and some still running in the back doing what they're doing.  Today, I get there, and Poi gestures for me to sit down, which I do, and all the kids greet me and say hello together, and then they go " Christi, I love you!" and they all rush me and suddenly i'm just surrounded with hugs and kisses and giggling children.  I was like, " Oh my God, this day is going to be the death of me."

Then we all sat together as Poi read the children books, which included the one about the old woman who swallowed a fly, so I was able to follow along and play with the various kids using my lap as a seat.  I noticed again that there were more kids opening up to me today, which just made me sadder inside because in a few hours it was all going to be done.

We took group photos as well, with the staff and the kids, and Poi filmed a short video for me too, which I will post in its own link.

Play time was the typical awesomeness, with me chasing the boys around and making faces with some of the girls and just general insanity.  It's funny that I was thinking I connected better with the boys than the girls because Pimsuda told me today that when she spoke with Poi, Poi told her I was really good with the boys lol.  It's true.  I kind of love them, and I seriously have been trying not to think about the fact that I'll never be seeing these kids again because, ah, it breaks my heart.

Nap time went as usual, except this time I ended up laying between Om and Potey, rubbing their backs for a while before just laying there, listening to the singing and zoning out on the roof.  Normally, after the kids have settled down, I sneak out and go eat lunch.  This time, I whispered goodbye to a few of the children, rubbing their backs as I left.  I can't believe that i'm not going to see them again.  It seriously makes me sad.

Once i'm outside, I get called over to the table where Mama Poi has prepared this huge meal as a parting gift for me, as a thank you for helping at the day care.  Poi, Lom, Mama Poi and everyone else all sat down to eat and we talked and joked, and I tried amazing home cooked Thai food and just felt so happy and so sad all at once.  I gave them the gifts I had purchased last night, which I even said I have no idea if they eat that, but I hope they like it! xD  The food was amazing though.  They had normal rice, and sticky rice, and Poi grabbed some chicken and put it on my plate, and I was scooping little bits of some other incredible meat/vegetable dishes into my rice.  I was all wiggling around and enjoying myself.  Poi kept my drink filled with coke, and I just kept looking around thinking again that I wish I wasn't leaving.

Lom and Poi both had presents for me as well.  Lom gifted me this bread that she said was her favorite snack.  I later found out as I ate it that it was this sweet bread, that was incredibly soft and squishy and wonderful because it was still nice and warm, and inside the bread are raisins?  It was glorious, and I have to remember to ask Pimsuda to let her know that it was to die for.  Poi then gave me a present, wrapped in this cute elephant wrapping paper with a bow.  The shirt turned out to be this cute little white shirt with an elephant printed on it, kind of kiddish style which is appropriate, and a description of why the Elephant is important to Thailand.  On the back it says I love Thailand in Thai. 

I was laughing and trying not to cry because I was totally going to if I thought about it too much. I super wanted them to sign my shirt as well but I was already about ten minutes late, and I was just about to die from not wanting to leave. I hugged Poi and Lom as I spent the most time with the two of them, bowed a big thank you to everyone else, and had to rush out of there before I started crying and turned into a big snotty mess, and just end up looking like one of the kids.

I want to come back in a few years (or tomorrow) and see these kids and these wonderful women, because I can't help but look at them and just think about what type of people they are going to be when they grow up.  I seriously want to come back and visit these people, because everyone here has made me feel right at home, be it the adults helping me figure out what i'm doing, or the kids pulling on my hand to lead me to a special spot on the play ground.

Ah, going to cry.