"To the artist, there is never anything ugly in nature."

Just wanted to put some thoughts out there about camp...

Although the first day had random moments, it was fun to roll through with the kids and get to know them and their interests.  As time has gone, the kids are coming in much more excited and ready to create, ready to think differently and to get their hands dirty.

Its fantastic to see!  At first, it was funny to watch as they gauged you and tried to determine what type of person you were, reading the atmosphere as the camp went and seeing what the deal was.  I watched them watch each other as they talked, silently remembering each others names and debating if they wanted to compliment each other, and now they're just tossing out compliments left and right, engaging each other with stories of their mornings during the Amazing Things activity, and talking about their outfits.

When I was working on the space captain, it really made me happy to hear the kids all coming up with ideas, excited about camp and enjoying their time.  Yesterday, one of the girls kept saying that camp was fun, over and over, and haggling with her parents about how much longer they could stay after they came to pick them up.  A couple of the kids were talking about it again today, saying how camp was great and how awesome it would be if they stayed there all day instead of just half the day.

I can't fully express how happy it makes me to see them enjoying their time, and just turning on their imagination and crafting ideas out of nowhere. I remember going to extra art sessions after school in Elementary school and loving it; painting Morning Glories and experiencing new materials like charcoal and chalk pastels.  So now, to be on the other end, helping cultivate that passion and talent in others makes me really happy~

I know these words are all over the place, I haven't thought much about how to properly phrase it, but I think the sentiment is there.

Meet my babies

The messages of Paranorman : At least, what I got out of it.

So I first saw this lovely movie on the flight to Korea, and I have to say it's got to be one of the greatest movies I've seen, and yet I feel like, as is the case with many gems, it's not getting the recognition I feel it deserves.  Where are the banners? Where are the praises?  Holy choirs with biblical light?  I mean, come on, the messages that this movie promotes are just incredible.

So instead, i'm going to break it on down for you all here. Because this is my blog, and its what I can do.

So the movie starts off introducing the type of life that Norman experiences on the daily.  Zombies, ghosts, and people not believing him in any sort of way.  Spoiler alert : He can speak to the dead.  The very beginning actually drops some plot bombs if you have the ear to hear them. 

(though to be real, 

there will be spoilers in this little ramble, so if you haven't seen the movie, 

you should read this next line and then stop:

Go see the movie.)

Norman is a simple kid who is honestly the type of child you'd like to have: He's honest, does what his parents ask of him, apparently likes to read, and has the courage to at least be himself (even if he wishes that he wasn't the way he is.)  Immediately you're presented with the fact that his Father and elder sister deem his talent of speaking to the dead to be a complete and utter crock of it, while his Mother seems supportive in the way of a mom who finds it odd but doesn't see the harm in it (nor does she appear to believe him, truth be told.)  As a result, Norman catches grief not just at home but apparently from the rest of the town as well, as we see in his little walk both to and through school.  

I could go into a whole summary of the movie, but i'm not going to.  I'm just going to talk about the things that interested me so much about it.  You see Norman living the effects of verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of his peers (because if you think bullying is neither of these, then you're either completely kidding yourself, or you were/are a bully yourself and can't see past your own damage.)  Despite this, Norman doesn't seem to grow bitter towards the people who are treating him this way.  If anything, he just seems tired, and who can blame him?  I think on some level he understands why it's so hard for them to think he's telling the truth, however this in no way excuses their actions (such as spray painting his locker with the word Freak.)

Norman makes an unlikely friend in the little boy Neil, who accepts Norman for who he is, and in fact tells Norman to not let the others bother him.  Neil himself is a victim of bullying, saying its just a part of life, a sad but true fact (until we start teaching our kids that kindness is more valuable than being the head-honcho.)  Neil, to me, is one of the greatest characters in this movie, in many movies, because he's just such a great friend.  He is positive, he is kind, and he stands up for Norman against some 'creepy' individuals.  He is the type of friend that I hope every little kid can find.  

The movie addresses the reality of adults dismissing children, assuming they know better simply because they're older.  Adults are in all honesty quite ready to treat children like lesser beings in regards to what they have to say, and as a result, children so often grow up thinking that their opinion really doesn't matter as much as it should.  I read once on a forum that "Adults want to tell us that we should speak up for ourselves, stand up for ourselves, until our opinion differs from theirs."  To a degree, I can agree with this.  Just because a person is younger or has a different view point, I do not believe that they should be dismissed as 'foolish.'  I feel like in a way, this movie addresses this.

Paranorman also addresses the issue of fearing what you do not understand.  As a whole, humanity is so quick to shun what we do not understand as evil, freakish, and wrong. We see this in the case of the Puritans vs The Witch, Norman and the town, as well as Norman and his family.  There's a memorable moment in the movie when, after Norman had a vision during the school play in front of the whole town, his father is going off about him in the car ride home.

Norman: This is so unfair. I wish everyone could see what I see. I didn't asked to be born this way.

Dad: Huh, funny.  Neither did we. 
(Dad gets out of the car and walks inside.  Norman's mom turns to look at him in the backseat.)
Mom: Y'know...sometimes people say things that seem mean, but they do it because they're afraid.
Norman: He's my dad.  He shouldn't be afraid of me.

Later, when Norman confronts the Zombies after seeing what they did, he is both shocked, hurt, and disgusted by what they did : These adults condemned a young girl to death because she was different from them, and they were afraid of her.  He asks them how they could do that, she was just a little girl, and they respond saying they were afraid.  I think this is something that spurs a lot of the horrible actions we see people take.  Its purely part of human nature, but not something to be encouraged.  If we continue to destroy anything that is different/scares us, this world is going to end in fire, without a doubt.

One of the most valuable quotes in the movie comes from Norman's Grandmother, who tells him:

"There's nothing wrong with being scared, Norman, as long as it doesn't change who you are."

Its such a simple line, but to me, its one of the most beautiful lines uttered in this whole movie.  

Later, when Norman confronts (comforts even) The Witch, the little girl, she asks him about his own tormentors.  Turns out, the little girl could see the dead, just like Norman, so when the town discovered this, they convicted her of witch craft and sentenced her to death.  She looked to be all of 10 years old? So suddenly this little girl was ripped from her mother and hanged, and then buried in an unmarked grave, where for generations since a certain someone who could 'speak to the dead' would have to read from a book to keep her spirit at rest, as before she died the little girl cursed "them all."  Ironic that the very talent that condemned her to death would be the one that would then be used for ages to keep her in the grave.  The movie delivers a red herring in the sense of the Zombies, as you think that the curse she spoke of was to have zombies come back and eat everyone in town, but the curse is actually ON the Zombies.  She turned the people who convicted her into the living dead, and when they rose up, they would be tormented by the town themselves.  When Norman is talking to the girl, she asks him:

Aggie : What about the people who hurt you? Don't you want them to suffer?
Norman: I thought about that once, but what good would it do?

I really liked this moment, because it shows who Norman is inside.  He's not above thinking of retribution, but the fact is, the thought was passing.  He understood that wishing harm on the people who do him harm wouldn't fix the problem, not the real problem.  He knew that the kids were acting out of shallowness, fear, and basic stupidity, yes, but he had a sort of inner strength to go past that.  Its honestly incredible to me that he would.  I don't think people really understand the effect that constant name calling and constantly cutting down an individual can have.  We're all born with high self esteem. We don't know any different. As we get older, however, we start to become subjected to what other people expect of us : beauty standards, whatever the "normal" is where they're at, etc etc.  People condemn differences instead of celebrating them, and suddenly the little light inside of each of us starts to dim and waver, and maybe we're not as special or worthy of love as we had thought.  I mean, it must be so, right?  Otherwise why would these people who do not know you for who you truly are decide at a glance that you are beneath them?

The fact is, verbal abuse, BULLYING, is just as painful as physical abuse, it just doesn't leave as obvious of marks.

The last bit that I super loved in this movie was the smooth, effortless way they revealed that Mitch was gay.  It wasn't treated as a punch line, it wasn't central to his character or personality or his presence in the movie in any way.  It was beautiful.  Just " My boyfriend loves chick flicks."  The end.  It was one of the greatest fist pump moments I've ever experienced watching a movie.  

So yeah.  That's my rant on the movie.  It's a thing of glory, and it should be seen.

So I’m at this cafe, where they make everything fresh and that includes amazing crepes and coffee and biscottis.

The bar is made of wood, the two guys working the back wear white button downs and black vests, and the shop smells of Nutella and coffee.

Currently, there are two women having what appears to be a very animated and wonderful conversation in Italian while the older gentleman sitting with them scans the newspaper for something of interest.

And I’m off in my corner with my Hobbit book, having my daily staring contest with the muffins.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Dumaine Ave,Port Orange,United States

3 am and i'm awake

Lets blame it on Christmas excitement and not the time change.

I have a few things i'd like to talk about, one of which being things of note I discovered in Bangkok, the other just rambling...I think i'll actually give the one for Bangkok its own post, which means that i'm also going to dedicate a post to my rambles.  Mwhahahaha.

Do you ever look back at moments in your life and just think "wow, I did that."  It can almost feel like watching a movie of someone else, and sometimes that's horrible, depending on your actions and the circumstances, but sometimes its also incredible, to think that that was you, in that moment, in that time, doing those things.  In this case, for me, its incredible.

I had several moments while in Asia where i'd experience one of those 'out of body' moments, and just kind of see myself and where I was and what I was doing, and just start smiling.  I'm sure I freaked a good number of people out, but aside from that, (or maybe because of that), those were always good moments.

It could be something simple, like just walking down a soi checking out food carts. Or perhaps it'd be something different, like me dangling from a gigantic tree root in Cambodia.  I don't want to say that I've never imagined myself doing these things, because I've always had goals and the intention to end up in those two countries, but to finally be that person wandering through markets, surrounded by people who don't speak the same language, shopping for food and Christmas presents...It felt reaffirming.

Doing this, this traveling, this volunteering, is what I was meant to do.  The idea that I can add joy to someones life by doing something I love as well is completely amazing to me, and I can certainly say that volunteering my time and money has made me all the richer.

I hope to take these experiences and create some great art out of them as well, something that will help fund future trips for me.  No matter the travel I do, I hope to always interlace it with volunteering in the local communities and getting to meet these people.  I can't even tell you how many times I've thought that doing this program was easily one of the better choices I've ever made in my life.  If not for this, I never would have met any of the amazing people I have.

The volunteer group, Sue, and some of the staff.

Poi, Lom, Mama Poi and all the other women at the day care who guided me through 40 plus energetic children who were all sweet little snot monsters (and I mean that in the most endearing way) and accepted me as part of the team despite our language barrier.   Pimsuda, Benz, Jack, Joo, Jiew, Noo, and Sue, from the CCS Bangkok staff, who all contributed to my understanding of the Thai people, culture, and life style in one form or another, and who would go above and beyond to assist in any way they could.  Sothik from Cambodia, who helped me not to just experience the total 'tourist blow through' but who showed me a side to the people and gave me memories that I never even hoped for.  Sara, Victoria, Jill and Alli, the four volunteers that I spent the most time with there at the home base, who experienced a lot of 'firsts' with me, and helped make this experience such a positive one.  But mostly the children.

The children that I never ever, in all my life, expected to honestly LIKE the way I do.  I know that sounds harsh, but you have to understand that I have never once been a kid person in my entire life.  Children are sweet, I don't detest them, but I never understood when people would ooooh and ahhhh and sigh heavily while stating, often with some far off look in their eyes, that they just couldn't wait to have children. I would always be in the background looking at them with one eyebrow raised thinking that anyone who said that should be moved to the front of the line for an immediate CAT scan and mental health evaluation. Now, however, while not wanting a child for myself any time in the near future, I can finally understand the mentality, even if 'just a little.'

These kids were incredible.  I loved every moment I was there, even if I didn't necessarily 'understand' every moment.  One thing you will discover while traveling is that you don't have to speak the same language, make the same sounds, to communicate with another person.  Especially in the case of children.  Never once did the fact that my Thai was crippled and jolted, with odd tones and funny sentence structure deter these children from having full blown conversations with me.

Me with Om.  

My lack of vocabulary did nothing to block the bonds that were formed with Om, who would run up, hug me tightly around the legs and then sit in my lap, grabbing my arm and pulling it around him so that I was holding him tightly across the tummy.  Or Luke-Gait, who just decided one day that this new person belonged to her and would claim a spot on my lap, despite if I was sitting or not.  Or Namn Neuh, who was unsure how to play with me at first but opened up as the days went, and was eventually following me around making noises, and then squealing in surprise and glee when I'd turn and chase after him.  Fot, who was never not bringing me something new and wonderful to impress me with, be it a green bucket or his ability to fill an empty bag with sand.  Focat, the kid who kept a wide clearance of me at first, who ended up swinging with me, smiling the most adorable smiles, and easily becoming a 'favorite.'


(horrible photo of me but its hard to look good when you're having your face smushed.  I don't care though.  It was endearing.)

Focat.

Yes, I admit it.  Despite the fact that you're not supposed to have favorites, they totally formed and there was just no stopping it.  Om and Focat were my top two, Namn Neuh and Fot following closely with Potey and Doam.  There were a few children whose name I never caught ( learning 40 plus names was NOT easy, especially when someone of them just sounded like 'sounds' to me when I first heard them) but they were on the top of my list as well.

To say I formed a better bond with the boys than the girls would not be incorrect, but the girls were adorable as well.  There was one girl in particular, always running around in a Disney nightgown, who was especially good with her English and would enjoy playing games with me on the play ground.  I'd draw a letter in the dirt, and she'd shout it out in English, then stomp it out by hopping like a bunny before scooting back to wait for the next one.  I ended up switching and i'd call out a letter, and she'd draw it out for me.  This actually drew several kids over, who enjoyed the competition, as well as those who just enjoyed stomping out drawings in the dirt. This was actually the opener for Namn Neuh, who had joined in the game, and started drawing out some of the Thai alphabet and then telling me the names for the letters.

I miss them.  I missed them before I even left.  I keep thinking that it'd be so great to go back, see how the kids have grown and changed, to see what type of person they're turning into as they get older.  It'd be funny to go, " Hey hey hey, I remember you when your entire face was covered in snot and you were out in the back eating dirt--"

I don't know.  As you can see, this trip has changed me.  The bonds I've formed with people that I never imagined meeting have shaped my life and molded me like clay, and theres no way I can simply go back to the person I was before, whoever she might have been.

Isn't that exciting?

Not a whole lot happened today in the terms of 'post worthy'

but I feel like posting anyway.

Placement was wonderful, as ever, with a few changes (like someone new, potential new kids stopping by the school, etc.)  More of the children opened up to me, and Luke Gait and Om have basically decided that I'm there's and no one elses, which makes it slightly difficult to play with the other kids at times because then one of them comes running up arguing lol.  Its hard but still sweet?  If that makes sense.  I'm going to miss all of these kids, without a doubt.

I know you're not supposed to have your 'favorites' either, but some of the kids I've certainly formed more of a bond with than others, and I just can't even say how much I'm going to miss them.  I'm not sure how its happened, but I've ended up spending more time with the boys than the girls as played around.  I think in part its because it was my responisiblity to watch them while all the girls showered, so I'd end up chasing some of them around the playground.  Most of the girls are content to play in the sand or with each other, but the boys, at least i've found, are very engaging.  The girls also try to have conversations with me, lmfao, and considering the extent of my Thai they're usually very ...very short convos xD

After placement, we went to the Art and Culture center, where Jack, Sara and myself wandered the top floor together looking at photos that the Princess of Thailand has taken on her travels and posted for exhibit.


The titles were so cute, because it wasn't something big or dramatic, they were all things you'd see written on the bottom of your own personal photo album, and were very engaging.  It was nice because it made her seem like ' a real person' and not just some distant figure who has this title. 


It was also nice because it allowed me a chance to talk with Jack more, which I enjoyed.  I haven't spent much 'one on one' time with him, and even still, this was not strictly one on one either, but it was nice because it allowed me a chance to just talk with him normally about things i'm interested in (art and travel) and just chill and relax.  Jack's such a goofy, easy going guy, and he's extremely nice and well mannered.  He's enjoyable company, and a great addition to the staff, without a doubt.  He's also going to help me out with something MAJOR that i'm super excited about, and will post when it comes to pass.

Sara and I have been discussing what to get our placement people as a 'thank you'/departing gift, and with some input from the Jack-jack, we settled on a few things.  She purchased vanilla and pandam eclairs, while I got these things called Golden Noodles or something?  Jack said that they're made with eggs and sugar, and are on the sweeter side, so I'm hoping that the women at my placement enjoy them.  I needed something that didn't necessarily need to be refrigerated, and could be enjoyed simply.  Hopefully this will be a success.

Now i'm home, at the base, my throat hurts from talking and my eyes are beyond tired. I did some prepacking, and since i'm already tired I was more emotional, but I seriously just stopped packing and laid on the ground all, " But I don't want to goooooo." 

I miss my home and my family, but I've felt so at home here in both Thailand and Cambodia, that the thought of just returning to 'every day life' is like a black spot on my soul.  If you've ever seen The Neverending Story, its like The Nothing that just consumes the land.  Thats what the prospect of returning to the day in, day out, is doing to me.

Ahhh...if only I could pick up my mom and my family and bring them here, or bring all the wonders and excitement from here to home, then life would be grand. 

If only, if only.

Voice = gone.

Gone so much to the point that it is physically painful. I feel like someone took my vocal chords and just twisted them around like a thing of twizzlers, then set them on fire to seal the deal.

That being said, I'm up super early to go see the monks collect food. Ill be tired all day but this isn't something I can exactly do often.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:กรุงเทพ-นนทบุรี 46,Bang Sue,Thailand

Reality check

So it's nap time at the day care, and I'm sitting here rubbing one of the little guys on the back, looking at the days of the week chart when it hits me: I only have two days left at the day care.

I'm so incredibly sad about that! It's only Tuesday, but we don't work Fridays, and technically I'm not even at placement for an entire days worth of work. All of these kids are incredibly sweet and the two weeks just seems like enough to really start to form the bonds with the kids, and then basically have to go.

One thing I can say about this trip is that I think it's finally turned me into a kid person. Before, while not HATING children, I certainly didn't see the appeal. Now, I find myself not wanting to leave and wishing I could just stay longer and spend more time with them.

Each day, a new child opens up to me, and we play and chase each other around the playground. Add on top of that the kids who have already determined I'm alright, and it's just so much fun.


(Horrible one of me but that's to be expected at this point.)

I've been telling mom about the kids each evening and talking about how cute and adorable they are, and she told me not to come home with one, lol. In the past, that never would have even needed to be uttered! But now, I finally see the appeal. I can understand why people would want children, especially when they can be this sweet.

That being said, I certainly won't have any for a while, but now it at least makes sense to me. Thanks, Thailand.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:รัชดาภิเษก 37,Bang Sue,Thailand

In which I have man-voice

So my throat has been itching for nearly my entire stay in Thailand. It could be from any number of causes, but one of the volunteers showed up with a congested nose and scratchy throat and now three of us do. She may not actually be the source, but were pretty much all joking with her and saying she is.

Regardless of the cause, it got really red and swollen one night, painful and sore all through the next day, irritating for the following two, and now I have total man-voice up in here.

My voice is super soft right now, but all scratchy and croaky and I just feel like a total chain smoker. I thought it'd get better but my voice is getting softer and softer, which now that I think about it might actually BE better.*No*sound might be preferable to how I do sound, lol. I love the thought of the higher power being all "oooooo, lets just....turn that down for the moment, shall we? Theeeeere we go, yes. Much better."

I love that I flew to Thailand to get a cold.

If there's anything worth doing-- this is not it. The cold is so funny because its such a basic ailment that no one takes it seriously, and yet it can really make you feel like you've just been hit by a truck. In my case, it hit me right in the face.

It's not a total KO though, but I have no wish in jinxing myself by talking about my small victories as of yet.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:กรุงเทพ-นนทบุรี 46,Bang Sue,Thailand

In which we destroy the Thai Language: It was a group effort

So today was our last language lesson, and our teacher, Pun (Apple) was back to attempt to walk us through.  Even though we did better than last time, I wouldn't go so far as to say we did well.  We were not looking good, as a unit, lol.  But we tried! 

Pun had some really fun ways of going through the words, and taught us a funny dance for basic words used in shopping.  We also covered numbers and I can say that it went as well as it did in English...and Spanish...and Japanese...  Numbers; the bane of my existence.  In some small part I feel like they should stick in SOME language.  The process for their counting makes sense, its not really complicated, but the numbers are still numbers are still numbers are still numbers.  Makes sense? No?

Here, I will translate:  it's never going to work.

After language lessons, we had dinner, then me, Sarah, and Victoria headed to the Big C to do some shopping/exploring while Jill stayed here at the home base.  We wandered back to the cute donut shop, and actually made a couple of return visits, but none of us bought anything.  I think we just have a thing for staring at food?  I don't know, but the women behind the counter seemed anxious for us to make a decision or go.  They were probably just as stressed about having to deal with us ordering as we were about having to make the attempt to order.  Nevertheless, we did end up ordering at a coffee shop a few shops down.  They both got something that was basically ice cream in a cup, and I got a Red Bean Cha Thai Yen.  It was from Black Canyon Coffee and was the closest to heaven i've ever been due to a source of food.

Mmm..What else.  We bought some basic groceries, and I actually bought something there as a present for someone.  It will seem odd when I mail it but I'm hoping they like it, as it's pretty frickin' delicious.  I also bought shampoo, conditioner (both LOREAL), face wash (Nutregina), deoderant (DOVE), and the big ole thing of food to mail off for all under $10.  Yessir. 

Also, it was really funny to me to see all these kpop stars on various things like body spray or chapstick.  Leetuek and Donghae both were calling out to me man.  I almost bought it up.

Tomorrow's plans:  Grand Palace in the morning, then Wat Pho, with lunch out with the staff/volunteers, then taking a van to Kanchanaburi for our weekend trip.

Last day in Cambodia...

So, my last thoughts on Cambodia.  I spent all day thinking, "noooo, I am so sad to leave this place!"

While I more or less got the tourist blow through, I had an incredible time here.  The life style is very different, but it is the differences that make it enjoyable.

The temples were everything I hoped and more, and thanks to Sothik, I felt like I got a lot out of my time here. Not just with the temples, but having the chance to eat at local markets along the way, and try the food the way they do.  I know for certain that is not something that would have happened had it just been left to me (hello, I ordered a pancake for my breakfast the first day) and while it may seem silly, I look at Sothik as a friend.

;Sothik and I exchanged contact information, and i hope that I can keep in touch with him.  I also hope that he and his family do well in the future.

 Maybe if he ever comes to the States, I can show him around some, as a friend.




 It felt odd giving the two of them the envelopes of money, mostly because it felt odd to have to say goodbye in that sort of fashion, but I was more than happy to pay them for their services.  I'd spent all three days saying 'no' to the people selling tourist goods so that I could give both Mr. Driver and Sothik a decent tip.  It wasn't nearly as much as I would have liked, but I gave what I could.

If you are in Cambodia in the Siem Reap area, and find that you need a tour guide, please contact Sothik.

He was amazing and I promise you you will not be sorry.

Next time, I believe I will do some volunteering here in Cambodia, teaching at the orphanages or the schools.  And trust me, there will be a next time.  There is simply no way I cannot come back.

In fact, if I did not already have commitments in Thailand, I would probably try to stay longer.

Truly, it breaks my heart to leave.

Ramble Bamble:Pre-departure Anxieties and NErves